You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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