I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
