it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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