I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
