We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
