you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
