By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
