I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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