i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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