apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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