I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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