we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
