What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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