Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
