And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
