then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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