i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
