I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
