they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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