So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
