so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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