it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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