allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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