he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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