You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I could fuck to npr.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
