what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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