hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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