Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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