weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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