his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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