I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
