I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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