it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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