we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.