I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
