You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?