i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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