threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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