bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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