I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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