He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
