Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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