Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
