I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
operation harelip BJ is a go
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
