I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
