we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
