Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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