First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'