just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
17 People Admit the Worst Thing They’ve Done To a Server
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.