I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.