I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
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My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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