God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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