yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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