I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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