Your tits are I can't wait for
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
