i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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