I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
