Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
