SEEEEXXX PLEASE
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
