you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
