why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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