I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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