The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
