It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
