you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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