Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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