gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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