This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
