We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
