If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wish there were birth control emojis
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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