I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
