Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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