no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
