I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
