This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
