She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
