I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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