He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
