i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
our cab driver is having phone sex.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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